Scream Scram

A 5K? Alright. Benefitting the Boys and Girls Club? You bet. Wear a costume? Holy shit, show me the start line!

We, that being Nadine, Ted, Mike, Aleka and I, ran the Scream Scram 5K. A charitable race around Washington Park in which participants are encouraged to dress in costume. I went as a gorilla in an American flag speedo, meaning I went as myself. Aleka wore a dress she picked up for a bridesmaid dress party. It is an aggressively tacky dress, but another runner, as she passed us by, said she had the same dress for her 8th grade dance!

Minus the accentuated pecs, that is what I look like naked

See those hands in the air. That is Ted.

There was a group of people dressed as serious runners near the front. Super short shorts, no body fat, synthetic tanks tops. They looked the part and when the starting gun sounded they went at a pace that would turn the head of a pronghorn. My mistake, those were real runners, who would be enjoying finish line festivities the same time I hit the halfway mark.

As for our time...at 2 miles I had sweated out 3 liters of water and was having heat induced hallucinations, convincing myself that I was going to medal at the Hirsute Olympics. I began walking to cool down, crossing the finish line 37 minutes. My overall pace was a shade above walking. Luckily, it being a birthday celebration for Ted, I attacked my bruised ego on two fronts, beers and a burger. It was no contest.